Hahahahahahahaha

Pizza

teenssfromhell:

when you accidentally befriend someone annoying and you can’t get out of the friendship

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juliawiinchester:

juliawiinchester:

And now my dad hides the salt from me…

A few days after the salt line incident, the lights flickered in the kitchen and my dad looked at me and said “don’t you dare. You lost your salt privileges”
calliopeisababe:

probably but tell me more

kyousakura:

HORROR MOVIE ADS ON YOUTUBE THAT U CANT SKIP

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genderedboy:

"Why do you want this job?"

Because under capitalism I am forced to sell my labor in order to subsist.

dragon-in-a-fez:

sassykardashian:

IF YOU EVER GET IN A FIGHT WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER JUST BREATHE IN THE HELIUM OUT OF A BALLOON AND HAVE AN ARGUMENT AND THE FIRST ONE TO LAUGH LOSES

you just put every marriage counsellor out of business

theinnkeeperlibrarian:

leepacey:

a restaurant in my hometown got a review that said the servers should “show some skin” so the owner added a potato skin special to the menu and all the proceeds from the special go to the west virginia foundation for rape information services (x)

That’s exactly the appropriate response.

chinese-zeus:

lollipops are so weird youre literally swallowing your own flavored saliva

barebackinq:

Friend: Ill be there in 5 minutes are you ready?

Me:

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